Monday, 15 January 2018

What -a lot of- stress can teach you

My stress reliever 

It is the first month of the New year and since i rarely have resolutions  i will just go with you through some realizations and lessons i learned from the past challenging year i had, and still partially have, and maybe you had also, and you too looking for ways to overcome and move on. 

Red sign! STRESS was my biggest challenge of all.  I am not going to lie, i have never been the person that has the most cool reaction when there is an issue or a problem, but this time everything was seriously out of proportion. Mountains after mountains that i had to climb, and obstacles to overpass. Accumulations of  "you must do" and losses of "i want/need to do"

This is how it is when you are an expat trailing wife and a mother too. You don't really have an option, you have to learn to go with the flow, for the shake of the family, and the flow here is "home is where work is,"  For many this might sound as a privilege, as an another adventure, but the reality is that when you have family and kids and you have done it more than couple of times, this becomes an enormous source of stress. The survival type of stress that a prey will have when it is trying to escape from the lions, but at my case it didn't stop when the lions left, it just kept going, going and going fearing for the next encounter. 

Stress,  not the good one, you know, the one that makes you feel alive and wakes you up to do stuff, but the other one, the bad one, the one that eats yous body, soul and mind. The kind of stress that is taking over and control you and your health. For me the trigger was the constant restarts every few years that made my system to crash. But also my absence from serious issues back in our homeland. Don't get me wrong i love, love traveling and meeting new people, but at the same time i love, love  going back to a base too and our lifestyle couldn't provide that. Everything had/has a deadline eventually in couple of  years down the road. 

Along with the stress, guilt fell into the mix. Guilt that you don't support your spouse and his achievements enough, that you cannot be happy for the new things that are coming. Guilt that you don't appreciate enough, give enough, understand enough the people around you. Guilt. Another very unhealthy habit. It puts your self down, it brings sadness and makes you introvert. It is not pleasant no, no. 

And then comes the anger. You become angry about everything. The way you handle things, the fact that you cannot find balance, that you have stop listening and respecting your needs, and mostly you get angry because you feel angry! If you have felt like this it is ok! It is all part of the challenge! 

And here is where the lesson starts. It is a long journey so be kind to yourself. It is a whole process. Patience brings perseverance after all.

Acknowledge, understand and embrace.

These are the 3 elements that i am discovering through my journey that will be very helpful. 

Acknowledge the situation, understand your status and embrace your efforts and intentions. 

Acknowledgment is a key. The more you accept through logical thinking, the more your stress will start lowering. It is ok to not have the control of things, the earth will still rotate and so you do keep walking. Accepting is the beginning of your resolution.

The more you understand your position and your role in this transition the more you will realize how important job you have. You are not a leaf on the wind, you are the concrete base that supports everything. You are stronger than you think and you can stand earthquakes and strong winds.

The more you hug and love your efforts to do better and find the best in you, the more you will start enjoying the journey and your new reality. We don't love enough ourselves. We might think that these is a very selfish thing to do, but actually is vital so to progress and grew to a healthy person.

And if you have to ask for help so to achieve all these, do it! Sometimes we don't have the right tools to fix us, we don't have the correct words to whisper to our ears so to move forward. Sometimes we need a helping hand from a friend, a spouse, a specialist. But these are just the ingredients. You must do the mixing, you must put the effort and do the work.

Lastly see the 3 ghosts Stress, guilt and anger, as the teachers that weren't believe in you, and to your capabilities, but you managed to prove them wrong by succeeding through your work or your personal achievements as a parent, spouse, friend or just being you!

P.S I don't take stress lightly, since every person can handle it differently and the source of it is different too, but i am a believer of natural methods and the power of positive thinking. Having a mantra if you like, that will guide you out of your darkest time. Mantras have helped me overcome sticky situations in the past. They gave me courage, determination and a goal, turning the bad stress to a powerful force that pushes you to overcome. Made them very specific in the beginning. See them as an order you give to your brain, and be hopeful, your brain will eventually listen and act. The more you believe what you are saying the more it will become a fact! The power of brain and belief!

My mantra is a very simple one. "I want to love myself"

What is yours? Share it with me

No comments:

Post a Comment